Hey Reader!
Happy Sunday! I’m giving Sunday a shot this week under the same premise that has led me to send on Saturday. I want you to have the space and energy to sit calmly, perhaps with a cup of coffee or tea, and read whatever interests you. In my life, Sundays often have more space and time available for that kind of reading than Saturdays. Perhaps the same is true for you.
Let me know what you prefer? I’ll send on whichever day seems to serve the majority of folks reading.
If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ve seen me talk about the podcast I’ve been working on. I have to say: having complete creative control over a project has been a blast. Doing my deep dive prep for each interview and digging into thoughtful two-hour-long conversations with people I respect has been the most fun I’ve had professionally in a long time.
Since you’re here, I want to give you a little insider preview to who I’ve been chatting with. I’m still working with my friend and producer, Adam Clark, on exactly when the show will launch but it will likely be sometime around the beginning of March. Here’s who you’ll hear from in the early episodes:
- James Clear, bestselling author of Atomic Habits
- Sophie Purdom, co-founder of CTVC and Planeteer Capital
- Anne-Laure Le Cunff, PhD candidate in neuroscience and founder of Ness Labs
- Packy McCormick, founder of Not Boring
- Hannah Ritchie, author of Not the End of the World and deputy editor at Our World in Data
- Ryan Delk, co-founder of Primer, venture investor, and one of my best friends
- Julia DeWahl, co-founder of Antares, formerly at Starlink and OpenDoor
- Jerry Colonna, bestselling author of Reboot and Reunion, founder of Reboot.io
These are world-class people in their fields. They’re people I deeply respect. And I’m so freaking excited they’ve each agreed to spend two hours in conversation with me. I’ve been doing 20+ hours of research for every episode and working to create conversations you haven’t heard these folks have anywhere else in public.
I’ve been in touch with a few other folks who are incredible as well, but I’m only sharing the ones I’ve confirmed as guests or already recorded with for now.
Excited to share the show with you soon. You’ll be the first to hear the name, see the artwork, and know about the launch.
In the meantime, enjoy this week’s newsletter.
A quote to make you think from a book worth reading
“Thirty years ago, the sociologist Fred Goldner wrote about what it means to experience the opposite of paranoia: pronoia. According to the distinguished pscyhologist Brian Little, pronoia is “the delusional belief that other people are plotting your well-being, or saying nice things about you behind your back.”
If you’re a giver, this belief may be a reality, not a delusion. What if other people are actually plotting the success of givers[…]?
[…] Just as matchers will sacrifice their own interests to punish takers who act selfishly toward others, they’ll go out of their way to reward givers who act generously toward others.“
– Adam Grant, Give and Take
…
Give and Take is Grant’s first book, and in my opinion his best, that compiles all of his research on the power of relationships into one compelling volume.
The summary: there are three types of relationship builders – givers, matchers, and takers. Surprisingly, givers both get the furthest ahead AND fall the furthest behind. The difference between which side you fall on? Being a strategic giver — giving freely to other givers and matchers, while actively avoiding being taken advantage of by takers.
This is a must read for founders and creators, given the importance of relationships for building a business that lasts.
Three links to encourage deep thought and breakthrough growth
1 The Art and Science of Mind Wandering by Anne-Laure Le Cunff | Read Time: 7min
“Have you ever had a shower thought? It’s very common to spend a lot of time and energy to try cracking a problem, only to suddenly find a solution—seemingly out of nowhere—when we least expect it. This is because our minds constantly oscillate between two modes of thinking: focused and diffused.”
Neuroscience fascinates me because it helps me understand what is going on in my brain under various circumstances. Beyond the intellectual satisfaction of understanding how brains work, I read this stuff because I want to know how to actively take advantage of my brain to help me lead better.
When we focus too hard on actively trying to solve a business problem that’s haunting us, it’s amazing how narrow and boring our solution set can be. This article gives an excellent overview of what’s going on there and what to do instead so that you can create more and better ideas.
2 No More Questions by Ted Klontz | Read Time: 6min
“The human body reacts to a question with a stress response (not good for human interactions because by your question you raise their level of subconscious anxiety).
[…]
You can ask for the same information in a statement form and the human body relaxes (good for human relationships and you are the one who made them feel more relaxed).”
I read the beginning of this short essay and immediately felt the tendrils of shame creeping in. I make my living asking questions! I’m starting a podcast asking questions! Have I been unknowingly stressing people out this whole time? The answer is partly yes.
I felt much better once I saw the solution, which I’ve arrived at independently and intuitively on my own. Now I can use the alternative to questions more intentionally in both my coaching and on the podcast. The same applies in any relationship of importance — whether with your partner (life or business), an employee, or a friend.
3 Dismissively Stubborn by Cedric Chin | Read time: 10min
“Dismissive stubbornness is the kind of stubbornness where someone does not engage with your argument. They ignore it completely, as if it wasn’t even articulated. […] Dismissively stubborn people are the worst possible way to fill seats on your team. You can’t reason with dismissively stubborn folk, because they have no desire to face the reality implied by your argument.”
This essay articulated a felt frustration I’ve had with a small handful of prior colleagues. Up until reading this, I haven’t been able to put my finger on it. Now I can.
“Dismissively stubborn” is a toxic trait on teams and it’s one I’d encourage you to root out as soon as you find it in a person you’ve hired. By corollary, it’s also a trait we have to ruthlessly avoid in ourselves if we want to attract the kinds of people who are willing to change their minds in the face of new data or compelling arguments.
An idea sparked by my client work to help you lead better
This past week I had a heated discussion with two of my best friends (and fellow founder/operators). The debate was in reaction to a Tweet I saw about an experienced founder being unwilling to work with someone who refused to meet with them on a Sunday.
The debate: is it ok to dismiss someone off hand just because they won’t meet on a Sunday?
I fell on the side of boundaries being healthy and productive in all relationships, including between co-founders. My friends shared alternative perspectives, including:
- building a VC-backed startup from scratch requires high level of commitment, including working weekends
- it’s perfectly ok for this person to require that their co-founder works weekends just like they do
After reflecting on how strongly I was in opposition to the idea that one must work Sundays to be successful as a founder, I got curious about where that was coming from.
I was especially curious about the fact that I have worked many many weekends over the years in support of helping my companies succeed, whether or not I’ve been a founder. In fact, Fridays were often my favorite day to work long hours because I knew my teams would be offline by noon pacific time and I could get so much focused work in.
That being the case, why did I feel so strongly? Here’s what I came up with: in the past, I had a pattern of convincing myself that hard work = being a good person. And being a good person = earning the love and belonging I want. So the more hard work I do, the better the person I must be, and the more love I’ll receive, right?
Wrong. In fact, I ran myself into the ground trying to earn love, belonging, and recognition from past partners and bosses through harder and harder work. What I’ve learned is that the need for love can’t be fulfilled through hard work. Hard work and love are not attached to one another, although in some cases it may be true that working hard leads to recognition or reward.
So it’s not that I disagree with working hard, on weekends or otherwise. In fact, I believe the ability to work hard is critical to any form of success in life. But I disagree with the idea that working hard will make you feel inside the way you want to feel in and of itself.
Implying that everyone must work a certain way in order to be worthy of love, belonging, or partnership is toxic. By contrast, saying “I need a partner who is willing to work as much as I am on my next startup,” is totally healthy. It’s a clear statement of need and one that others can choose to opt into or out of according to their own needs.
This is the lesson I took from the debate in the end: you can choose to run a company however you like. You can choose to seek any qualities you’d like in a co-founder. You can look for whatever qualities you prefer in an employee. What’s most important is that you’re clear about the requirements. Being clear with your asks gives the other person the opportunity to see clearly what they are or aren’t agreeing to.
That’s what great leaders do: create clear agreements and expectations so that everyone knows what they’re signing up for.
Hope you have a great weekend. As always, hit reply and share your own thoughts on anything we covered this week (or anything else on your mind).
Much love and respect,
If you enjoyed this newsletter, forward it to a founder friend. You can also recommend me to a founder or creator as a coach.