Some of the best conversations on Good Work happen because of a simple introduction from a trusted friend. That’s exactly how I met bestselling author and former advertising executive Bonnie Wan. A friend told me, “You two need to talk—you’ll love this conversation.” And they were absolutely right.
Once I took a look at Bonnie’s work, I knew she was a perfect fit for this show. Her writing and her story are deeply personal—raw, human, and vulnerable. She shares openly about her challenges with assimilation, the weight of expectation, the trauma of abuse, and the struggles of belonging. But what makes her journey even more powerful is that she wasn’t sharing this from the outside looking in—she was already at the top of her field (she was named AdAge’s chief strategy officer of the year in 2022!) when she had a personal crisis that changed everything .
That moment led her to create The Life Brief, a process that started as a personal tool for clarity and became a movement. It’s about distilling what really matters in life and work, just like she had spent years doing for some of the world’s biggest brands.
On top of all that, it turns out Bonnie and I basically live down the street from each other in Portland. So this is one of those rare conversations where I got to dive deep into someone’s story and also realize, hey, we should probably grab coffee sometime.
This conversation covers everything—from success and identity to transformation and personal power. I hope you take as much from it as I did. Let’s get to it.
This is an excerpt from my conversation with Bonnie Wan, edited for length and clarity. You can listen to the full episode here.
My Interview with Bonnie Wan on Reclaiming Our Power and Owning Our Stories
Barrett Brooks: Bonnie, I want to start with something personal. You’ve talked about having a side of you that only comes out with trusted people—a dark and raunchy sense of humor. Where did that come from?
Bonnie Wan: Yeah, eighth grade, public library, across the street from our middle school. I spent a lot of time there because I wasn’t always sure that I was going to get picked up after school. And I immigrated from Taiwan when I was six, so I was really shy because I had the language barrier.
But one day, I found a book of really dirty, raunchy jokes. All kinds of things that an eighth grader should not be talking about, but I memorized some of them. I honestly didn’t really know the meanings. I remember saying things about how green M&Ms make you horny, and I didn’t know what horny meant. But I saw the reactions—people laughing, wanting to hear more—and I realized I could be something different than how I had been portrayed up to that point.
BB: That need for belonging seems like a theme throughout your story. When did you first start to question what belonging actually meant for you?
BW: It’s so human, it’s so fundamentally human to want connection and acceptance and to be seen. I think that longing for belonging was survival for me. It wasn’t just, “Hey, I want to be an insider and I want to be a popular kid.” It was deeper than that.
I watched my dad struggle to belong, too. He came from a well-respected family in China. My grandfather was the governor of Hubei province. But when my dad came to the U.S., he lost that identity. He faced discrimination, he lost jobs, he turned to alcohol. That loss of power and status—it shaped him, and it shaped me.
BB: In the book, you use the phrase “guilt by assimilation.” That really struck me. What does that mean for you?
BW: I realized that I had been working so hard to assimilate that I was actually upholding a system that wasn’t designed for people like me. In 2020, after George Floyd and the rise in anti-Asian violence, it became clear. I had been complicit. I had spent years protecting a system that wasn’t protecting me or people who looked like me. And I had to ask myself: What do I do with that realization?
BB: That realization led you to rethink leadership. How did you start changing things in your own organization?
BW: The first thing I did was flip my schedule. I was spending all my time with senior leadership, and I realized I needed to be in conversation with my most vulnerable employees. I started having weekly one-on-ones with them, making sure they had a direct line to power.
And then I looked at pay. Women, especially women of color, were starting at lower salaries because they weren’t negotiating as aggressively. And the way pay raises work, that gap only gets bigger over time. I realized that if I didn’t actively correct those gaps, I was perpetuating them.
BB: That’s such a powerful shift. What did you learn in those one-on-one conversations that surprised you?
BW: The biggest thing? People silence themselves. There’s this fear of being too much—too emotional, too outspoken. And yet, when people do speak their truth, there’s often this deep resonance. I started to see it in my own life. The more I shared about my own experiences—being an immigrant, dealing with racism, family struggles—the more others felt safe enough to share, too.
BB: One of the core ideas of The Life Brief is about getting clear on what truly matters. You ask a powerful question: “What is worth wanting?” How did that question shape your own path?
BW: That question reframed everything for me. We are conditioned to want certain things—titles, money, security. But when I asked myself, What is actually worth wanting? I realized that I wanted to use my voice. I wanted to create change. I wanted real relationships instead of just strategizing solutions from a distance.
BB: So many people chase things without pausing to ask if they’re truly meaningful. How do you guide people through this process?
BW: I always start with, What do you really, really want? And then I add, that you might not have admitted to yourself yet. That part is key because it forces people to confront what they’ve buried.
BB: Have you seen a particularly powerful transformation come from someone asking themselves that question?
BW: Yes, one woman I worked with had spent her entire career climbing the corporate ladder. But when she answered that question, she realized she didn’t want the next promotion—she wanted to start her own company. That realization terrified her, but once she admitted it to herself, she couldn’t unsee it. Within a year, she had left her job and launched her business. She told me she had never felt more alive.
BB: That’s incredible. It makes me think about fear—how often we avoid asking these questions because we’re scared of the answers. How do you help people push through that fear?
BW: Fear is always there. But I tell people, the goal isn’t to eliminate fear—it’s to move forward with it. When you acknowledge fear instead of resisting it, it loses some of its power. I encourage people to write a letter to their fear, personify it, have a conversation with it. When you do that, you often realize fear is just trying to protect you, but that doesn’t mean it should be in control.
BB: That’s such a great reframe. Bonnie, you’ve gone through so much transformation yourself, and you’ve helped others do the same. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who’s feeling stuck right now?
BW: Start small. Ask yourself: What do I want in this moment? Not five years from now. Not what society expects. Just right now. Write it down. That’s the first step toward clarity. And once you see it, you can start moving toward it.
What’s your life brief?
After having this conversation with Bonnie, I realized I could use an updated brief to power the next couple years. So I sat down and actually did the work—I wrote out a detailed three-year vision for my business and my life.
I didn’t just list goals. I described the house I want to build, the exact way I want my calendar to look, and—most importantly—not just what I want to do, but how I want to feel in the process.
That’s what The Life Brief is really about. It’s not just another personal development framework. It’s an invitation to get radically clear on what actually matters to you—not what society, your industry, or anyone else tells you should matter.
So here’s my challenge to you: Take 15 minutes today. Grab a notebook, open a doc, or just sit in silence. Ask yourself: What do I really, really want? Not just in terms of achievements, but in how you want to feel every day.
If you enjoyed this abridged version of our conversation, you’ll love the full episode. Listen in here. You can also snag a full, unedited copy of the interview transcript here:
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Much love and respect!